Dilbert

Time for…

…a theme change!

Unfortunately for me, I actually paid for the previous theme. It had a lot of bells and whistles but all I really want or need is simplicity.

I already forgot the name of this theme but that is ok. It rocks.

I love you whatever your name is.

Saturday Night

I wasn’t sure what to write about this evening and then I decided to backup my MacBook Pro. This means that I can’t use it so it left me with a dilemma. How could I write a blog post without the main computer.

Answer: Write the post on the iPad. I am doing that now but I am not using the external keyboard but rather the on screen keyboard. It isn’t too bad on the iPad Pro. the screen is so big that it feels like you are typing with a full sized keyboard anyway.

I had a couple of major projects I wanted to finish this weekend and I have finished one of them. The other major project was to try and fix and old iMac but atlas, it is not really fixable. not for a reasonable amount of money. The problem is the video card. This used to be my computer and I remember having to get the video card replaced a year or so after I bought it. In fact, it failed just after the warranty ran out. Of course.

I plan on getting a new iMac when the bigger sized machines come out. With the chip shortage, I don’t know how long that will be.

Anyway. That is a quick look into my excessively boring life.

Sorry for your pain.

Services Update

It looks like I am going to attend the services for my baby brother because in this instance, it would seem completely wrong for me not to attend.

My brother and I weren’t really close in the latter part of his life but we were close in the first half.

That is how I will choose tom remember him.

The little guy that was excited about everything. He used to be a little fireball so full of energy and wanting to try everything.

He loved riding around with me on my Suzuki Quad Racer when he was little and thought it was the greatest thing ever.

We always thought the he would be the one to go off to college and change the world as we knew it.

His life took a different path.

I believe that this path is the very reason we need to attend a service to mourn his passing this week.

R.I.P. Little Brother.

Tiredness

I am tired.

That is why you are only getting a drive by post today.

The only thing I can complain about today is the weather. Only the afternoon weather. It rained all of the way into work and I fucking loved it.

Ok. That is all I got.

Great Idea

I have been pondering writing a screenplay. I’ve been working on a crapload of short stories because I love writing them. Every once in a while as a writer, you come up with a story that would probably make a good movie.

I think I have that story.

I am currently finishing up the last chapter and rather than wrapping the whole thing up into a nice bow, I’m going to leave it hanging.

To be continued…

That sort of thing.

Book Review – Sort Of

I’m not yet going to give details of the book but I’m listening to a science fiction nugget.

I like the whole idea of it. There are parts that don’t seem to make much sense.

For one thing, the main enemy is missing the motivation. They are bad and try to kill the main characters but I still don’t know why.

It sounds like democracy versus communism. That seems off.

I’ll write a good review when this book is finished. It will probably be soon. I think I have 5 hours left.

Pink

I used to hate the idea of pink anything. I didn’t even want to be near it.

As I am getting older, I am finding that not to be as true as it once was.

I saw that they had a pink robe on Amazon for a guy and I almost considered it.

Times, they are a changing.

Masculinity in the Modern Age

I don’t think that just because men do things that women do necessarily makes them gay.

The idea that men are supposed to be neanderthals sporting tremendous amounts of body hair and talking in the most gruff voice they can muster used to work ok in a certain period of time in human history.

I don’t think that is what modern men are or what they are supposed to be. Modern men are painting their nails. A great example of this is Penn Gillette. Watch his show and you’ll see that he’s got one nail painted orange/red. This symbolizes something but I don’t remember what exactly. What you may not notice is that the rest of his finger nails are painted as well. It is usually a shimmering white color.

That isn’t all. Men are wearing clothing that has traditionally been meant for women. They are shaving their body hair. In the last relationship I was in neither me nor my girlfriend had pubic hair. Why not? Seriously. Just try it. You won’t regret the affects.

When is the last time you heard about a “crabs” outbreak? Yeah, me neither. That is because so many people simply don’t have fucking pubic hair. It is disgusting and modern men and women realize that so they shave it off. That is something the ancient Egyptians discovered over 4000 years ago. The only hair on a female back then was on the top of her head.

A friend of mine has theorized that this is due to excess estrogen being placed back into the water supply by an excessive population of women. They flush their pads and tampons down the toilet and somehow the estrogen is making it back into our water supply. It is not a far fetched idea.

In conclusion, men have cocks and women have pussies. That is the true difference between men and women.

I don’t think it is any more complicated than that.

Why I Hate Funerals

  1. They are a complete waste of time.

  2. They are only about the living and not really the dead person who doesn’t give a shit about what you planned, what you are doing, and how they are dressed because…you know…they are dead.

Death is a very difficult concept for most people to understand because they can only reference their current life. It is hard to imagine our lives when the switch is turned off.

You don’t know that you had a deep sleep until you wake up and can “know” that you did.

Not getting to wake up and to understand is death.

Deep. Huh?

HDWGH – Story 6 – Carwash Shenanigans

From the How Did We Get Here Series

Now: A young lady walks out of an automatic carwash nude. A couple of employees, a mix of male and females look confused but otherwise seem disinterested.

Before: Erica always wanted to try leaving her car as it begins its journey through the local carwash. The 16 year old had no real good reason for wanting to do so. She finally got up enough courage and decided to try it today. To save her shoes, Erica decided to remove them before she leaves her car. As the car begins to roll through the carwash, she jumps out of the vehicle and tries to navigate through the machinery as rollers spin and water shoots from everywhere. As she gets near the end of the carwash, a roller catches a loose piece of her sundress and in an instant, rips the dress from her body leaving her completely nude.

HDWGH – Story 5 – Watch Your Step!

— From the How Did We Get Here Series —

Now: Young boy standing on a sidewalk. He is crying as urine streams down his pant leg.

Before: Boy starts to step out into the street. Boy nearly gets run over by a speeding car. He pees himself. He starts to cry because he pees himself and doesn’t look forward to explaining it to his mother. Yep. That is pretty much all that happened here.

HDWGH – Story 4 – Locked Out

— From the How Did We Get Here Series —

Now: Young man sits in his apartment in handcuffs. Police are confiscating his laptop. Girlfriend is sitting on the couch with her head in her hands and crying.

Before: Jim couldn’t believe his luck. He was an out of work computer programmer who hacked occasionally on the side to pick up some extra money. While at a small coffee shop the previous day, he was approached by a young lady who seemed to know his credentials asking Jim if he could help move some computer files around. It was quick easy money so Jim was quick to agree. As Jim sat down at his computer the next day, he tried to log into the primary account that was going to transfer this lady’s money only to see a pop-up window that said “Incorrect Username/Password combination – Please try again.” Well, he did try again…three times. Behind the scenes, the account was locked out, the police alerted, and poor Jim arrested.

Even More Detail: The girl who gave Jim the website to visit couldn’t have been more pleased. The first time he tried to log in, her program went into action as it drained every dime from Jim’s bank account. The small conversation they had in the coffee shop was enough for her to glean the needed information she required for the heist. So, while Jim thought he was doing one thing she was doing another. Jim’s girlfriend is on the couch crying because she wanted to drain his bank account that morning and leave him that evening but when she logged into it the account was already empty.

Image from Cheezburger.com

HDWGH – Story 3 – Drawing the Line

— From the How Did We Get Here Series —

Now: A small group of people surround a young woman who is laying on the ground outside of a Steak and Shake screaming and crying. She is in a fetal position.

Before: Emily has always been about…Emily. So, she saw the announcement on the news about a new Steak and Shake opening nearby and she just couldn’t resist. Emily wanted to be the first person in line. Emily arrives and immediate moves to the front of the line directly in front of a smaller younger girl. Shortly thereafter she experiences an immense pain as she is yanked by her pony tail and brought quickly to the ground. A knee presses into her neck and the smaller younger girl explains how life for Emily at this very moment is a gift that should be enjoyed elsewhere.

Note: This story is actually based on true events. I took liberty with the victims name but I think it might have been slutty Amy or something like that. Names. Words. Whatever.

HDWGH – Story 2 – Ain’t That Some Shit?

— From the How Did We Get Here Series —

Now: Beautiful woman wearing a very light and revealing sundress is standing next to an apartment door. Beneath her dress on the floor is a small pile of fresh fecal matter. If you look at the pile just right, you can see the heat emanating from it.

Setup: The middle aged woman goes to a nearby Dairy Queen for a banana split knowing that she is completely lactose intolerant. Her husband just left her so she has decided to bury her sorrows in a nice ice cream sundae.

The problem begins about 30 minutes later as the woman is trying to get to her apartment after the pains in her stomach begin. She has just enough time to kick off her flip flops before the warm liquid leaves her ass and deposits on the Welcome mat beneath her bare feet. Her apartment key is in her hand but never makes it to the lock.

A young man sees the beautiful woman and decides to walk over to her and start a conversation. He gets within a few feet of her and smells the shit beneath her dress. He quickly grabs his nose and walks away in the opposite direction. No words spoken. Woman horrified. Reputation earned. Nickname acquired.