Good Morning

I’m posting this one because it is funny. Not sure how true it is because I hate politics of any kind. How angry the party that is not in the White House gets during the term is hilarious. Both parties do the exact same thing.

Whether they want to admit it or not.

IT Jokes via Slashdot

I found these on Slashdot this afternoon. I’m pasting some in here but there are a bunch more in the comment section of this link.

by Quirkz ( 1206400 ) <ross&quirkz,com> on Monday December 18, 2017 @01:33PM (#55762319Homepage

Back in the day I ran across a site that had a huge list of purportedly real-life IT stories, like the cup holder, the floppy magnet, the foot-pedal mouse, and others. For whatever crazy reason the host had titled it with some non-intuitive word (spam, I think?) that the host insisted was valid usage, but makes it probably un-searchable these days.

So, here’s a few of my favorite real-life IT moments.

Them: It’s not working.
Me: Is it plugged in?
Them: Yes.
I walk over, check the power cord, and it’s unplugged.
Them: Oooh, I didn’t check that end of the cord.

Them: I can’t play this DVD.
Me: Um, you only have a CD drive.

The user’s password is on a post-it on their monitor. It was their initials and their date of birth. I still don’t know why they needed the reminder.

Email from customer: Help
Me, in email: How can I help?
Them, in second email: I can’t send email.
Me: It looks like you just did.

Them: Can you give me a copy of my predecessor’s files?
Me: Sure. There’s a lot, though. Which ones do you need?
Them: You do it. It’s too unsecure for me to tell you which ones.
Me: I’m just worried about file space. You can have any or all of them if you want.
Them: That doesn’t sound very safe. You tell me.
Me: I can’t really tell you what files you need.

Them: My mouse is jumping around.
Me: Oh, it’s just got a little dirt inside. It’s easy to clean.
Them: Can’t you just buy me a new one instead?

Director: I got a new computer. Can you drive out to my house to set up email for me?
Me: Okay.
I drive out and find the new computer is a laptop.

Me, on phone with ISP: We can’t receive email.
ISP: We’ll look into it and get back to you.
Me, four hours later: Can I get an update?
ISP: We found the problem and emailed you a fix hours ago.

Them: I’m trying to use Greg’s computer but it won’t come on.
I troubleshoot and discover user is pressing the monitor button.
Me: Look for the box, and press that button instead.
Them: Box? I don’t see one. Greg took his laptop with him. Does that mean I can’t use it?

Me: do you have a desktop or a laptop?
Him: I’ve got both.
Me: which are we using?
Him: well, it’s a desktop right now.
Me: Huh? Desktop right now?
Him: Sometimes it’s a laptop but right now it’s a desktop.
Me: You mean your laptop is plugged into a dock?
Him: yeah.
Me: Okay, that still counts as a laptop.

Them: The printer is working, but it’s not printing
Me: what does working but not printing mean?
Them: Well, I don’t know, but it’s …. it’s … it’s not printing, but it’s working?
Me: Well, in what ways is it working if it’s not printing?
Them: I don’t know. Can’t you just come over here and fix it?
I come over. The printer is not plugged in.

Them: My computer won’t play sound.
I adjust the volume slider. The computer beeps.
Them: Well, I thought it was the sound, but, it won’t play this voice mail.
I double-click the file, and it runs for one second and ends.
Me: I think it’s just a hang-up.
Them: Oh, nevermind then.

Her: I’m trying to opposite-click X, but it’s not working.
Me: Uh, most people call it right click.
Her: Yeah, but it’s the opposite button, so I call it opposite click.
Me: You know, if you use a term that nobody else understands, they probably won’t understand you.
Her: So anyway, I’m trying to opposite-click this file, and …

Him: I’m getting spam from myself! Help!
Me: Addresses can be faked.
Him: Ah.

Her: I used to be able to use my work computer at home, but the wireless stopped working.
Me: Hm, it seems to work here in the office.
Her: Yeah, it’s fine here, just not at home. It use to work but now it wants a password.
Me: Uh, let’s back up. Do you have wireless installed at home?
Her: No. I just grab something from the list of wireless networks. But now they have passwords.
Me: Oh, you’ve been stealing w