HDWGH – Story 71 – Pass The Salsa

Photo credit – My wife

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-


The black SUV made its way through the incredibly long line at the local McDonald’s drive through. Danielle was in line 2 and both lines seemed to be progressing along at a snail’s pace. She looked over to her left as she started to round the corner towards the pay window and saw a small plastic container of Salsa stuck in a tree branch. Danielle began laughing as she tried to piece together the events that must have occurred to have the Salsa stuck in a tree.


Mavis Gomez was hungry. I guess you could call it “Hangry.” If starving wasn’t bad enough, she had been asked to park her car until her fish sandwich could be made. She didn’t understand what was so hard about not putting tartar sauce on it. Adding the sauce was an extra step. Her rage was beginning to flare up.

The reality was that her order only took an extra 5 minutes to prepare. Since she arrived at that “sweet” time between breakfast and lunch, she was able to get a fish sandwich for herself and grab a breakfast burrito for her husband Sal. He would nod his head which was his way of saying “thanks” but Mavis could only focus on the fact that she was starving…to…death. She glanced in her rear view mirror and caught the uniformed person running out to her car to deliver her order.

She grabbed the bag barely having time to say “Thank you” before tearing open the bag and grabbing her sandwich. This was the moment she had been waiting for. She peeled back the paper and took a big bite, right into tartar sauce! Her rage had kicked into high gear now. The uniformed person was long gone but it didn’t matter.

Mavis opened her driver side door and reached into her bag grabbing the first item that she could. She pulled the item from the bag and threw it with everything she had at the small picture of Ronald McDonald on the menu sign. She wasn’t very good at throwing so the Salsa container landed in the tree next to the sign. It would have to do. Her rage having been satisfied, she climbed back into her car and drove off.

HDWGH – Story 70 – Out Yonder

Artwork by Adobe Firefly.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-


Before Daniel Baker tried to open his eyes, he knew he was lying in straw. As he slowly opened his eyes, he could see that dusk had turned into night. He was late for supper. His mother would be pissed. Was that his skateboard in the nearby tree?


Sam Rollins was loving life. He finally got the carburetor working as expected and his souped up 1971 Chevrolet Custom 10 sounded better than ever. It still wasn’t pretty but all of the cardboard and other duct tape covering the passenger window would be fixed up in due time. Hardees wasn’t exactly paying him THAT well and who cared if he could see out of that side of the window anyway?

Daniel Baker had been told not to ride his skateboard on Euharlee Road. “There ain’t no speed limit out yonder, boy” She’d say to him. Of course, he didn’t listen. Why would he? The old hag never left the house so how would she know how fast people drove on Euharlee? He had been doing it for six months now and everyone had been kindly going around him.

The truck only had three gears and Sam had it in third gear while the speedometer dial hovered around 52 mph. A slight bump and was that a yelp? No matter. Sam watched the speedometer climb to 55 miles per hour. Mission accomplished. He couldn’t wait to show off his new exhaust system next time he rode down Euharlee.

Of course, that would have to wait for another month until he made enough money from Hardees. “First world problems,” he thought to himself as he laughed out loud.

HDWGH – Story 69 – The Surfing Saga of Santa Cruz Otter

Laughter echoed along the shores of Santa Cruz as beachgoers watched an adorable otter balancing on a surfboard, looking like a true wave-riding pro.

In the tranquil waters of Santa Cruz, a mischievous yet endearing otter named Olive had developed an unusual obsession with surfboards. Her adventure began one sunny morning when she curiously hopped onto a deserted surfboard left on the beach.

Olive’s tiny paws gripped the board as she rocked back and forth, mimicking the gentle rhythm of the waves. To everyone’s surprise, she managed to balance herself, much like a skilled surfer. Her antics drew the attention of a few early risers, and soon enough, her fame spread along the coastline.

The word about the “surfing otter” reached a local news outlet, and soon, Santa Cruz was buzzing with excitement. Beach enthusiasts and tourists alike flocked to the shores, hoping to catch a glimpse of the adorable otter in action.

Olive, reveling in the attention, took her newfound hobby to a whole new level. She began to “borrow” surfboards left unattended by beachgoers, turning the act of “highjacking” into her signature move. With her keen sense of balance and natural affinity for water, she rode the waves with remarkable finesse, earning her the title of “Santa Cruz’s Littlest Surfer.”

As videos of Olive’s antics went viral, surfboard manufacturers started designing miniature boards for otters, complete with colorful patterns and tiny fins. The trend caught on, and locals began to embrace the otter’s presence as a symbol of their unique beach culture.

Olive’s playful escapades brought joy to the community and turned Santa Cruz into a hotspot for otter enthusiasts and surf lovers alike. Businesses embraced the trend, creating otter-themed merchandise and even hosting “otter surfing” events to raise awareness about wildlife conservation.

In the end, what started as an adorable quirk turned into a heartwarming tale of a little otter that taught a whole town to embrace the unexpected. So, if you ever find your surfboard missing in Santa Cruz, don’t be surprised if you catch a glimpse of Olive, the surfing sensation with a penchant for adventure!

HDWGH – Story 68 – Cookie Crisis – Part 2

This is the second of two different types of stories. Both have the same writing prompt which is a story about how a cookie can cause chaos. Artwork by Adobe FireFly.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

** Now**
Mara stared in disbelief at the giant screen in Times Square. The news ticker scrolled: “Wall Street Crashes. Dow Plummets. Cause Unknown.” People were running around in a frenzy, cars were honking, and sirens blared in the distance. She clutched the half-eaten chocolate chip cookie in her hand, her eyes widening as she realized the impossible chain of events she had unwittingly set into motion.


Mara, a junior programmer at a cybersecurity firm, was having an awful day. Her code kept breaking, and her boss was breathing down her neck. All she needed was a break, so she headed to her favorite bakery.

Across the street, in a small nondescript office, an elite team of stock traders were executing high-frequency trades. Their algorithm, “Bullseye,” needed the internet connection to be flawless. Every millisecond counted.

As Mara walked into the bakery, she couldn’t resist the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. She bought one and decided to sit at the café corner to savor it.

Feeling whimsical, she took out her phone and connected to the bakery’s WiFi. She posted a photo of her cookie on Instagram with the hashtag #TheCookieThatSavedMyDay.

Little did she know, the bakery’s WiFi router was on its last leg. Her upload pushed it over the edge. It crashed.

This bakery, due to a quirk of geography and infrastructure, shared an internet junction with the building across the street—where “Bullseye” was executing trades. The momentary lapse in connection triggered a fail-safe, sending “Bullseye” into a sell-off mode to minimize risks.

Within seconds, other trading algorithms interpreted this as a sign of impending market doom and began selling off, too. The cascading effect was instantaneous. The Dow Jones plummeted, causing widespread panic.

Mara finished her cookie, oblivious to the traders across the street pulling their hair out and the news reporters scrambling for an explanation. As the world around her spiraled into chaos, she simply thought, “Well, at least the cookie was good.”

HDWGH – Story 67 – Cookie Crisis – Part 1

This is the first of two different types of stories. Both have the same writing prompt which is a story about how a cookie can cause chaos. Artwork by Adobe FireFly.

A sea of people filled the streets of New York City, horns blaring, sirens wailing, and chaos reigning supreme.

It all started innocently enough with a simple chocolate chip cookie. Emily, a cheerful baker, had just pulled a batch of mouthwatering cookies out of her oven. Little did she know that her sweet creation would set off a series of events that would turn the city upside down.

As Emily placed the tray of cookies on her windowsill to cool, a strong gust of wind swept through, sending the scent of warm cookies wafting through the air. A food critic, on a mission to find the next big culinary sensation, caught a whiff of the aroma. Intrigued, he followed his nose and ended up at Emily’s bakery.

After tasting one of Emily’s cookies, the critic was blown away. He immediately posted a rave review online, and the news spread like wildfire. Tourists from all over flocked to the bakery, forming lines that stretched around the block. The sudden influx of visitors overwhelmed the local transportation system, causing massive traffic jams.

As lines of hungry customers spilled out onto the sidewalks, street performers and vendors saw an opportunity to capitalize on the chaos. They began entertaining the crowds with impromptu performances, turning the streets into a stage.

With the increased foot traffic, local businesses saw an unexpected boost in sales. But the demand for supplies quickly outstripped the available resources. Delivery trucks piled up in the narrow streets, unable to make their deliveries, and confusion reigned as drivers honked their horns impatiently.

In the midst of it all, a film crew that had been shooting a movie nearby found themselves caught up in the whirlwind of events. They decided to incorporate the chaos into their movie, creating a blockbuster that became an unexpected hit.

And so, a single cookie set off a chain reaction that led to traffic jams, street performances, economic booms, and even a hit movie in the heart of the city that never sleeps. It just goes to show that sometimes, the smallest things can have the biggest impact!

HDWGH – Story 66 – The Oscillating Fireball Situation

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Some screeching metal sounds, a couple of panic screams, and a sudden lurch later, the fifteen passengers of the Oscillating Fireball roller coaster ride knew they had a “situation.” Tanner Jordan could have sworn he smelled pee as if things weren’t bad enough..

**Before**: It was a mostly sunny summer day at the Forest County Festival in Crandon, Wisconsin. Tanner Jordan and his friend Jack were pretty excited to try the newest roller coaster to grace their annual festival.
It was a bit of tradition that the teenaged boys had started a few summers back. Last year it was the Screaming Falcon and the year before that it was called the Louisville Lightning, although there really wasn’t anything fast or lightning about it. A local festival isn’t going to have the big caliber roller coasters like a theme park would have but they didn’t care. They loved roller coasters.
What Tanner didn’t particularly like was the fact that JJ had a tendency to pee himself on loops. The Louisville Lightning didn’t have a loop so that year he was spared, but this year…

Note: This story is based on actual events. Read up on it here.

HDWGH – Story 65 – The Squirt Artist

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: In an office area with only 10 cubicles close together, the amazing amount of an as of yet unknown substance running down various cubicle walls and from the ceiling, walls, and beloved water cooler could not be missed. Thelma slowly raised her blonde hair covered head above her cubicle wall to peer around. While the sounds of whatever level of orgasm that was she kept quiet, the results of said orgasm could not be missed. By. Anyone. Paying. Attention. And. Alive.

**Before**: Thelma knew what squirting was. She also knew what it wasn’t. It wasn’t cum. It was pee. It was getting to the state of being out of control. So out of control that you can’t control yourself or your bladder. Thelma could never get there. Not with the tools she had available to her which at the moment, was just her Mark I fingers. At her girlfriend’s bachelorette party last evening, all of the talk seemed to be about squirting. Everyone seemed to be doing it but her. She couldn’t but she desperately wanted to.

On the way to work that morning, Thelma stopped by a local sex toy store and was pleased to find a device that the owner swore would do the trick. Thelma couldn’t wait to use it.

Ok. Thelma really couldn’t wait to use it. Sitting at her desk, she dropped her panties and inserted the SQUIRT GOD Version 2 device inside her. She pressed a few buttons on the remote and immediately had to cover her mouth. The feeling was intense and sudden. Her nipples got instantly hard. They usually never did that.
Waves of pleasure washed over Thelma. She could feel it down her toes. Something was building but she knew she could control it. This could be the biggest orgasm she ever had. Another adjustment to the remote and…
Thelma’s undercarriage let loose with a volley of squirting that might be worthy of a world record as she struggled to stay silent. She couldn’t control the pulses and she was squirting everywhere. It felt like an eternity before simply trickling down her thighs and over her painted toes. Her body was shaking. She waited until the pulsing stopped to peer above the cubicle wall to see if anyone saw anything.

HDWGH – Story 64 – Give Me Shelter

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Mrs. Roland lowered her head in both exhaustion and sadness. Her beautiful brand new home on the outskirts of a small town in rural Georgia known as Tannersville had gone up in flames just 2 hours ago. She was in shock and the pounding on the outside of the tornado shelter was beginning to break her out of it. The fire company needed to confirm that she was ok, after all.

**Before**: The Smith family always celebrated the big holidays. The 4th of July was no different. Brian Smith had his various assortment of fireworks ready to launch. The wind was picking up but he felt fairly certain that they would be quite safe.

HDWGH – Story 63 – Boom

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Jennifer Turco kneeled down to give her father a kiss on his forehead. Josh was doing the right thing after all. This type of job needed to be done. If not by him, then who? Jennifer replaced her protective eyewear before bringing the thermal imaging device up within her view. It still showed six heat signatures. The expected and anticipated number. Josh turned his gaze up to his youngest daughter looking for the signal he needed. A confirmation that all six siblings were currently at home. Jennifer looked down at him and nodded. Josh caught the gesture and quietly moved his thumb from the green ABORT button to press the light red COMMIT button. The trailer suddenly erupted into a massive fireball flinging bodies here and there and breaking every window and other pieces that could be broken.The sound of a bouncing metal propane tank off to their left. Five feet away from Jennifer, a smoking and burnt male torso landed on an old wooden pallet and bounced away from her. A faint scream filled the air from what seemed like a few blocks away. The small subdivision was awake now. She could barely notice the slight smile in her dad’s gaze, but it was there. It was all better now. Everything was going to be just fine.

**Before**: Jennifer knew that Doug Jones was a child molester. In fact, the whole neighborhood knew. The problem was proof. All she had was gut instincts. The way he looked at the girls as they made their way home from school passing his, what she would swear, had to be a meth lab trailer. It made the neighborhood look like it had been transplanted from Detroit. She would talk to her ex-military father and see what he thought about this “problem.” Perhaps daddy could kill two birds with one stone on this one?

HDWGH – Story 60 – Sensory Depravity

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Russell Thomas opened the sensory deprivation hatch and upon smelling the vileness inside, kneeled over and puked up his lunch.

**Before**: Jason James (JJ To all of his friends) was having some weird hallucinations in the sensory deprivation tank. All he could do was chalk this up to the overall experience. He didn’t know if this was a normal thing or not. This was only his second trip to the tank and he didn’t remember hallucinating the first time around.
As the silence began to abate and JJ began to wake up, a few things were obvious to him. He had a fever. He had just taken a big huge dump in the sensory deprivation tank.
He would later find out that he had contracted norovirus and while in the tank contracted a fever of about 103F.

-*This story has based on an actual story found on the Reddit /legaladvice website via BuzzFeed.*-

HDWGH – Story 59 – Saucy Killer

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Echo Stevens was slumped over her box full of greens as the hatch on her Caravan was locked in the open position. To any passersby, it looked like Mrs. Stevens was just taking a quick nap. They just couldn’t explain all of the spaghetti sauce covering the back of the minivan.

**Before**: Echo Stevens had a busy day ahead of her. The retirement party for her husband Red was this evening and she wanted it to be the best party ever. Red loved a good party. In fact, thats how Echo and Red met one summer in Santa Monica along the beach. It had to be the biggest beach party they had ever seen in their young lives. The sunset, the atmosphere, and the romantic setting was all that was needed to ignite the fire of a relationship that would span 40 years.

Most of the supplies that she needed had been purchased already but Echo needed some extra greens for her magnificent salad and she needed some extra sauce for the hand made ravioli that made her the talk of the town. Echo fired up the minivan and made her way towards the new grocery store on the east side of town.

The lines were short today and it took her a few minutes to run and grab the things she needed. She would have plenty of time to make this the best party ever.

Echo placed the greens on the left side of the rear of the minivan and set the six jars of spaghetti sauce on the right hand side. Placing the sauce down on the mat was the last thing that Echo Marie Stevens would ever know. Jar number 3 exploded as she set it down throwing shards of glass in every direction including her left eye, lower abdomen, and multiple locations on her legs and arms. The piece that penetrated her left eye was a rather large piece that destroyed her eye and continued into her brain.

HDWGH – Story 58 – Wandering Blind Man

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Rachel Gilmore climbed into her cozy hotel queen size bed and felt ok doing so. Her husband John should be joining her but quite honestly, she didn’t know where he was. John was blind and had a history of wondering off whenever they went out for a nice getaway. She would always get annoyed by his insistance that he could find his way around by himself when he obviously could not. You know. Because, he is blind. Rachel wanted a vacation from John’s snoring and his wanderings so climbing into bed by herself was ok in her book.

**Before**: “And there he goes,” Rachel Gilmore thought to herself as her husband John began going down a hotel corridor that didn’t look like paying customers should be going down. She yelled after him but John was stubborn. He was as stubborn as he was blind. She was starting to wonder why she even bothered trying to believe that she and her husband could have a normal vacation, anywhere. It had been four years since the workshop accident that took his sight.

Four long years.

Rachel grew tired of yelling after her wayward husband and decided to turn around and visit the hotel bar. She’d start the vacation with a margarita and with or without her husband.

HDWGH – Story 57 – Overcompensating

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The red wine definitely stained Tinder Collins’ creme colored collar neck blouse. She had seen people throw their drinks on other people but she had never imaged that her own boyfriend would do it to her. He didn’t even give her a chance to explain before lofting his glass of Georges De Latour Private Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon circa 2018 on her face and blouse.

**Before**: Jack Nethens seemed to be doing all of the right things. He landed one of the prettiest girls in the college as his steady girlfriend and just seemed to be “crushing it” in every aspect of his life. Tinder Collins invited him over to her parent’s house to meet them and enjoy a nice quiet evening with what he hoped would be his future in-laws.

Jack detailed his new blue 2023 Ford Mustang Mach-E hoping to show Tinder that he would only provide the best for her. He put on the best casual clothing he owned and headed over to Clayton Avenue for the big evening. Nervous? Sure. He was certainly a little nervous.

The moment Jack walked in the door and met Tinder’s mother and father he knew he might be in trouble. It was easy to see that the parents didn’t seem to come from money at all. A bit unrefined would be an understatement. It was obvious that he wasn’t going to be in polite company. Was he even 60 seconds in before he heard the first fart joke?

By the time dessert rolled around, the evening had pretty much disintegrated into a full on assault aimed at Jack for owning an electric vehicle. The conversation devolved into politics and why he was wrong about everything. Finally, the comment that sent him over the edge. “Is it true that guys buy expensive cars because they have small penises?” The piece of cherry pie that Jack was working on fell out of his mouth. The question came from Tinder’s mother. What?

Tinder reacted quickly although not in the way Jack expected. “Well, he’s big enough momma. Though, he’s not quite as big as Tommy Watson,” Tinder said matter of factly. “I couldn’t sit straight for a month after Tommy.”

Jack stood up as if someone else was controlling him and grabbed his wine glass. Tinder’s dad looked strong enough but he wasn’t very fast. Jack wasn’t worried about fighting him. Without another thought, Jack threw the contents of his glass in Tinder’s face and walked out.

Without realizing it, Jack had just flexed his pedigree and… fuck Tommy Watson.

HDWGH – Story 56 – Bear Witness

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: A very naked Britney Walker let out an earth shattering scream and she dropped her Buffalo Trace and ice on the backyard deck. She was supposed to meet her husband Brad for a little afternoon hanky panky but much to her surprise, Brad was hanging from the railing playing dead as a big brown bear lay on its back in their “party of four” limited edition Jacuzzi. Apparently, having a good time without them.

**Before**: Brad was looking forward to spending some quality time with his wife. It had been ages since they had some alone time since the twins were born. A nice weekend in their Tennessee cabin would be just what the doctor ordered. While Britney was on her way to the cabin from work, stopping to grab a few groceries, Brad worked quickly to get everything ready for their arrival.
Britney was never on time. Never. Brad started to get hungry and decided to make a quick sandwich to hold him over until Britney arrived. He made a quick ham sandwich and while he began to set up the hot tub for their afternoon adventure, he set the sandwich down on the side that was least likely to get wet. No one liked a wet sandwich.
As Brad turned the last water valve to the open position, he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Expecting his wife, he turned around to find a big brown bear standing on its hind legs staring directly at him. Brad lept off the porch railing and hung on as he pretended to be dead. After all, he heard that was what you were supposed to do in these situations.

HDWGH – Story 54 – Lose Something?

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The emergency surgery saved Rhonda LeFever’s life. In another ten minutes or so, it may have been too late. As she regained consciousness while still laying on the operating table, she saw the nurse holding up something small and square. Was it a credit card? No. As her eyes began to focus, she could make out the details of a driver’s license. Where did that come from? Did her previous surgeon drop it inside her body and seal it up? OMG! That fucking doctor’s days were numbered if she had anything to say about it.

**Before**: Dr. Darryl Trippenheimer was getting aggravated. He had a surgery to perform in five minutes and all his attending nurse could do was to try and start an argument about their sexual encounter the night before. Most professional people in Darryl’s mind knew when it was time to get work done and when it was time to discuss sexual proclivities. Thank goodness, they were the only two people scrubbing up at the moment.  “Not now, Nancy,” he muttered to her under his breath. She let out an almost inaudible sigh and said, “I need to know where this relationship is going Darryl.” The doctor blew a raspberry. “We’ll talk about this after Mrs. LeFever’s surgery.” Nancy’s lips started to move.

With his arms raised, the doctor made his way into the operating room before Head Nurse Nancy Jean Kelly could say anything else to him. He kept telling himself that he needed to focus on the surgery. He should have known better than to sleep with Nancy. His colleagues tried to warn him. He really did find her irresistible as long as she didn’t say anything. Ever.

The doctor never locked his personal locker so Nancy wondered over to the half opened locker and quickly removed the doctor’s driver’s license. This would show him. It may not manifest immediately but eventually someone would find his driver’s license inside Mrs. LeFever’s private area and there would be no doubt as to who left it there. Nancy Kelly usually always never got mad. She did, however, get even. Nancy smiled as she made her way into the surgical area.

HDWGH – Story 53 – Touch Someone

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The clown knew exactly what he was doing. The TouchSomeone company had taken off in a big way. The company started out by offering the ability to pay someone to give a loved one a remote “hug” when they desperately needed one. The TouchSomeone company had finally decided to up its game. There was a new company called ReCare that was threatening to move in on the TouchSomeone brand. Which brings us to the clown. The clown looked around for a place to set the flower arrangement he was carrying. Becky Flavous was standing in front of the clown. She had a big smile on her face expecting to be hugged or sung to or something else that she considered nice. The clown reached back as if he was going to throw something and punched Becky Flavous right in her face. She was immediately knocked out. The clown smiled and gathered his flowers because after all, they really weren’t for Becky.

**Before**: “Because I said so,” Becky Flavous said as she slammed down the phone on her office desk. She was tired of dealing with these low life subordinates who were constantly screwing things up and making her pampered life even harder. Did she break a nail when she slammed the phone down? Fuck.
“So let me get this straight, you are now offering a remote punch someone in the face option?” Laura Caswell asked. Becky Flavous could kiss her ass. She couldn’t shoot her. If she thought about it, she could probably come up with a way to get rid of her but she needed…no, she demanded immediate satisfaction. No one talked to her that way; certainly not even that cunt Becky “fuck everything that moves” Flavous.
“Great,” she responded to her phone. “I’ll even pay a little extra if the clown puts a little something extra on it.” She put the office phone back on the receiver and smiled. Fuck Becky Flavous. Fuck her right in her smug little face.

HDWGH – Story 52 – Green Pee

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The screaming from inside the small bathroom was music to Agatha’s young ears. She leaned against the outside wall of the bathroom laughing and trying desperately to avoid peeing herself. Inside the small bathroom, her older brother Peter was crying. The once pristine toilet bowl now a lovely shade of green once Peter begun conducting his business was evidence that a heinous crime had taken place here. The real question that Peter was asking himself was “what did that bitch do to me?”

**Before**: Despite her kicking and screaming, Agatha quickly realized that she wasn’t going to get her bedroom closet open from the inside. Her lovely brother Peter had seen to that. The torment began when she was only 5 or so but had continued into her early teens. Peter had locked her in her own closet and this was going to be the last straw. She had taken his abuse for far too long and she was finished being a victim. Her parents were of no use in the matter. She needed to take things into her own hands.

She couldn’t quite point a finger on where she had heard of the idea. Her brother loved gummy candy. He ate loads of it before going to bed each night. He kept a container of them near his bed at all times. These were facts about her brother that she could use against him.

Agatha spent the better part of an afternoon purchasing the brand and style of gummy candy that her brother loved. This particular brand contained a juicy center. Perfect for Agatha’s idea.

A painstaking period of time in the kitchen with everyone away doing various things that parents and asshole brothers do was all that Agatha needed. She very carefully replaced the juicy gummy insides with something just as yummy and oh so colorful. Peter would never know. He would just sit there on his bed eating the gummies and reading the porn magazines he hid under his mattress that he didn’t think anyone knew about.

Peter woke up the next morning and wandered into the bathroom to relieve himself. Why was his pee green? He instantly let out a guttural growl and yelled…


HDWGH – Story 51 – Has Anyone Seen Grandpa?

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: A plethora of blue and red spinning lights, an incredibly loud siren, and the metal sounds of exit doors slamming shut were all that could be observed at the Franklin Davis Memorial Post Office #736 in Sutter’s Creek, North Carolina. Janet Wyatt was standing next to Gunther Johnson in the employee parking lot passing a flask back and forth as the postal employees were wildly speculating about the nature of the evacuation. Word soon got around that Cletus Culpepper discovered some powder on an envelope that passed through his sorter. Cletus acknowledged that “he was no expert” but he thought someone was fixin to kill someone named Grandpa Thomas with Anthrax or baby powder, he couldn’t be sure.

**Before**: Gillian Baker Thomas placed her moist finger tips on the adhesive on the envelope and proceeded to seal it shut. This was stupid. Her uncle Roy’s idea to pass around Grandpa Thomas’ cremated remains through the mail to his family members seemed like a bad idea. Her living room looked like a meth lab. Her family looking like meth lab workers as they took great care to place a small portion of Grandpa Thomas’ remains into several small envelopes.
Gillian’s son Paul has warned against sending the remains through the mail. He thought there could have been a law against it but he was no lawyer so what did he know?
Several family members were unable to attend the funeral. Sure, the family could have sent copies of the funeral program but it just wouldn’t be the same. Ashes of the person you love. Now, that was something that had meaning.
Paul shrugged his shoulders as he prepared the last envelope. The tape he was using had just run out. He could replace the roll but this had gone on for too long. His weekly D & D game would be starting in a half and hour and he had to get moving.

That last envelope was probably strong enough to make it through the U.S. mail. He was fairly certain of it.

HDWGH – Story 50 – Bad Blood

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: It was definitely not just another ordinary day at The Curtis Dixon Elementary School. Deep within the hallowed school halls the second grade students collectively pointed at their teacher Priscilla Parsons and started screaming. Some children jumped around in place while others continued pointing with their mouths open as a steady stream of blood made its way down Ms. Parson’s lily white leg. Amy Addison peed her pants and started crying while Asoka Tanaka held up an empty Coke Zero can and pressed on it with his thumb in the hopes that it would turn him into Ultraman so he could save the day from whatever needed saving. Eddie Clooney panicked and pulled the fire alarm which in turn, scared him enough that he peed his pants as well.

**Before**: Priscilla Parsons was in a bit of a quandary this fine summer morning. She had to pick an outfit for her date with Terrance Luskin but she would have to wear it to school. The date was in dangerous proximity to when she finished her teaching duties for the day and so whatever she decided to wear to work would have to be the outfit she wore on her date with Terrance…or did he prefer to be called Terry? It was something she was hoping to find out this evening.
Daring wasn’t a word that typically graced her verbal catalogue. She was a proper southern lady after all. Today, she was feeling a little naughty. Her dress was long enough that she personally felt that she could get away without wearing the usual undergarments. Seriously, they would just get in the way later if the date went in the direction she was hoping for. Her monthly visitor wasn’t due for another week.

This was going to be the best day ever.

HDWGH – Story 49 – Unexpected Lunch

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Thelma Hopkins screamed at the top of her lungs as she let go of the leash. All that she could see of her beloved poodle Cuddles was his tail as it was sticking out of the alligator’s mouth.

**Before**: “What a beautiful morning!” Thelma Hopkins declared to her poodle and companion of 5 years. She cinched the leash to his collar and opened the front door of her townhouse. This morning she planned on taking her dog through one of the back alleys she had yet to explore. This small town had a few of them. Thelma had just moved here from New York City and the country life in a small Amish rich community felt more to her liking. The sound of horses walking on the Main Street made her feel giddy inside. This place was heaven.

Although there were plenty of signs telling her to do otherwise, Thelma approached the closed off alley and opened the gate. She really didn’t understand why this little side street would have a gate but it was no matter.

As Cuddles led the way down the small alley, a very deep groan could be heard and before Thelma has any time to react, an extremely large alligator jumped from the shadows and swallowed Cuddles almost whole. One of the signs that Thelma ignored hung at a weird angle in the entrance of the alley.

Beware of Pet Alligator. Enter at your Own Risk.

HDWGH – Story 48 – A New Beginning

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Gerald Harvey couldn’t speak. So many things were going through his mind at this very moment. He was dying. He never thought that his day would go this way. Gerald dropped to his knees as the life force drained from his body. Blood was pouring through his fingers as he desperately tried to staunch the bleeding. It was no use. His wife Leslie just stood in front of him while she watched him die. Her face was expressionless. In his final thoughts, Gerald knew he took things too far. He could have sworn that she had a smile on her face as the blackness took him.

**Before**: The morning started like most other mornings for Gerald and Leslie Harvey. Gerald would wake up and head downstairs to start breakfast and make the morning coffee and Leslie would head into the bathroom to cover up the last night’s transgressions. Gerald left his mark on her almost every night. The marks were getting harder to cover up. Her co-workers at the gym would soon begin to figure out that these marks, these scars weren’t created from some stupid training accident. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand what was going on, even to the casual observer. Her co-workers weren’t morons.

Leslie never knew what outfit to wear. Gerald wasn’t very consistent with what he liked and what he didn’t. She came downstairs. He screamed about being able to see her hard nipple and the fighting began. She couldn’t even have breakfast before all of his bullshit started.

His breath on her face as he screamed was turning her stomach upside down. Whether subconsciously or just plain blink luck, Leslie’s left hand was resting on a knife that had been sitting on the kitchen island where Gerald usually prepared their meals. She didn’t ponder on it. She didn’t make a detailed plan inside of her head. She just acted.

In the middle of a tirade that accused Leslie or showing her body to the entire world, Leslie plunged the knife into the side of Gerald’s neck. She could tell by the eruption of blood that she had hit the right place. She quickly pulled the knife out in case it helped the bastard in any way. She knew that sometimes you should leave a knife in until you can get the victim to a hospital. She had no intention of doing that.

She slowly backed away from Gerald as his neck shot blood all over the kitchen. It would take her a while to clean but it would be worth it. He was in shock and was remarkably quiet. Now all she had to do was figure out how to make it seem as though he left her. They would never find a body. She’d make sure of that.

HDWGH – Story 47 – Childhood Lost

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Tanner Edwards stood in the school yard with a look of abject horror on his face. He didn’t pee his pants but at this point, it was an option he was considering.

**Before**: Johnny Henry was having the time of his life. He was listening to his classmate discuss the money he had just gotten for leaving a tooth under his pillow. One thing Johnny Henry loves more than chocolate ice cream on Sunday mornings is other people’s misery. Boy, was he going to have a blast with this one.

“Hey Tanner. Yeah, the money doesn’t come from a fairy. Your parents gave it to you. While we’re on the subject, Santa Claus…nope. Your parents. Easter Bunny…nope. Your parents. Sorry to have to break it to you.”

Tanner stood there with his mouth open. This was not happening.

HDWGH – Story 46 – Crack Hoarder

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: It had been three long months but Jackie Turner had finally won. The hoarder style family home she grew up in was finally empty. Now, her children could finally visit Grandmas house.

**Before**: Jackie Turner’s mother was a hoarder. She had been a hoarder all of Jackie’s life. When Jackie grew up and moved away, she was thankful that her lifestyle choices didn’t mirror her mother’s. Jackie kept a clean home.
As the years went on, Jackie was constantly forced to make up excuses as to why the kids couldn’t go to grandmas’ house. She didn’t want her children to see what hoarding is. Her old family home was so packed with various items that you couldn’t move anywhere in the house without touching something. Literal tunnels of walkways led you through the house. It was almost like a maze.
While sitting at a local bar, Jackie overheard a conversation between two other women. They were discussing funny things they wished they could do to other people. Neither one would actually do anything but it was when they got to their idea of how to clean up a hoarders house that Jackie’s ears perked up.

Crack cocaine.

The idea was ridiculously simple but yet designed for results. Introduce the hoarder to crack and through natural progression, they’ll soon be selling off their household goods to pay for the crack habit. It was really brilliant when you thought about it.

So, a plan was born.


The ideas for my HDWGH series come from all kinds of places.

The next story is going to feature an idea that a co-worker had for cleaning up the home of someone who is considered a *hoarder*.

The idea is so outlandish that…after laughing, I thought was one of the funniest things I had heard in a long time. What makes this so funny is that it could actually work.

I look forward to writing and posting this one tomorrow.

Two Weeks of No HDWGH

It is the summer time after all and I am trying to get as much sun as is humanly possible before the fall gets here and robs me of the opportunity.

I am hoping to be able to write some stories over the weekend but I am also programming so I have a lot of projects going on.

As soon as the programming tasks are completed, I’ll get back to writing.