How Did We Get Here?

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The emergency surgery saved Rhonda LeFever’s life. In another ten minutes or so, it may have been too late. As she regained consciousness while still laying on the operating table, she saw the nurse holding up something small and square. Was it a credit card? No. As her eyes began to focus, she could make out the details of a driver’s license. Where did that come from? Did her previous surgeon drop it inside her body and seal it up? OMG! That fucking doctor’s days were numbered if she had anything to say about it.

**Before**: Dr. Darryl Trippenheimer was getting aggravated. He had a surgery to perform in five minutes and all his attending nurse could do was to try and start an argument about their sexual encounter the night before. Most professional people in Darryl’s mind knew when it was time to get work done and when it was time to discuss sexual proclivities. Thank goodness, they were the only two people scrubbing up at the moment.  “Not now, Nancy,” he muttered to her under his breath. She let out an almost inaudible sigh and said, “I need to know where this relationship is going Darryl.” The doctor blew a raspberry. “We’ll talk about this after Mrs. LeFever’s surgery.” Nancy’s lips started to move.

With his arms raised, the doctor made his way into the operating room before Head Nurse Nancy Jean Kelly could say anything else to him. He kept telling himself that he needed to focus on the surgery. He should have known better than to sleep with Nancy. His colleagues tried to warn him. He really did find her irresistible as long as she didn’t say anything. Ever.

The doctor never locked his personal locker so Nancy wondered over to the half opened locker and quickly removed the doctor’s driver’s license. This would show him. It may not manifest immediately but eventually someone would find his driver’s license inside Mrs. LeFever’s private area and there would be no doubt as to who left it there. Nancy Kelly usually always never got mad. She did, however, get even. Nancy smiled as she made her way into the surgical area.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The clown knew exactly what he was doing. The TouchSomeone company had taken off in a big way. The company started out by offering the ability to pay someone to give a loved one a remote “hug” when they desperately needed one. The TouchSomeone company had finally decided to up its game. There was a new company called ReCare that was threatening to move in on the TouchSomeone brand. Which brings us to the clown. The clown looked around for a place to set the flower arrangement he was carrying. Becky Flavous was standing in front of the clown. She had a big smile on her face expecting to be hugged or sung to or something else that she considered nice. The clown reached back as if he was going to throw something and punched Becky Flavous right in her face. She was immediately knocked out. The clown smiled and gathered his flowers because after all, they really weren’t for Becky.

**Before**: “Because I said so,” Becky Flavous said as she slammed down the phone on her office desk. She was tired of dealing with these low life subordinates who were constantly screwing things up and making her pampered life even harder. Did she break a nail when she slammed the phone down? Fuck.
“So let me get this straight, you are now offering a remote punch someone in the face option?” Laura Caswell asked. Becky Flavous could kiss her ass. She couldn’t shoot her. If she thought about it, she could probably come up with a way to get rid of her but she needed…no, she demanded immediate satisfaction. No one talked to her that way; certainly not even that cunt Becky “fuck everything that moves” Flavous.
“Great,” she responded to her phone. “I’ll even pay a little extra if the clown puts a little something extra on it.” She put the office phone back on the receiver and smiled. Fuck Becky Flavous. Fuck her right in her smug little face.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The screaming from inside the small bathroom was music to Agatha’s young ears. She leaned against the outside wall of the bathroom laughing and trying desperately to avoid peeing herself. Inside the small bathroom, her older brother Peter was crying. The once pristine toilet bowl now a lovely shade of green once Peter begun conducting his business was evidence that a heinous crime had taken place here. The real question that Peter was asking himself was “what did that bitch do to me?”

**Before**: Despite her kicking and screaming, Agatha quickly realized that she wasn’t going to get her bedroom closet open from the inside. Her lovely brother Peter had seen to that. The torment began when she was only 5 or so but had continued into her early teens. Peter had locked her in her own closet and this was going to be the last straw. She had taken his abuse for far too long and she was finished being a victim. Her parents were of no use in the matter. She needed to take things into her own hands.

She couldn’t quite point a finger on where she had heard of the idea. Her brother loved gummy candy. He ate loads of it before going to bed each night. He kept a container of them near his bed at all times. These were facts about her brother that she could use against him.

Agatha spent the better part of an afternoon purchasing the brand and style of gummy candy that her brother loved. This particular brand contained a juicy center. Perfect for Agatha’s idea.

A painstaking period of time in the kitchen with everyone away doing various things that parents and asshole brothers do was all that Agatha needed. She very carefully replaced the juicy gummy insides with something just as yummy and oh so colorful. Peter would never know. He would just sit there on his bed eating the gummies and reading the porn magazines he hid under his mattress that he didn’t think anyone knew about.

Peter woke up the next morning and wandered into the bathroom to relieve himself. Why was his pee green? He instantly let out a guttural growl and yelled…

“Agatha!”

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: A plethora of blue and red spinning lights, an incredibly loud siren, and the metal sounds of exit doors slamming shut were all that could be observed at the Franklin Davis Memorial Post Office #736 in Sutter’s Creek, North Carolina. Janet Wyatt was standing next to Gunther Johnson in the employee parking lot passing a flask back and forth as the postal employees were wildly speculating about the nature of the evacuation. Word soon got around that Cletus Culpepper discovered some powder on an envelope that passed through his sorter. Cletus acknowledged that “he was no expert” but he thought someone was fixin to kill someone named Grandpa Thomas with Anthrax or baby powder, he couldn’t be sure.

**Before**: Gillian Baker Thomas placed her moist finger tips on the adhesive on the envelope and proceeded to seal it shut. This was stupid. Her uncle Roy’s idea to pass around Grandpa Thomas’ cremated remains through the mail to his family members seemed like a bad idea. Her living room looked like a meth lab. Her family looking like meth lab workers as they took great care to place a small portion of Grandpa Thomas’ remains into several small envelopes.
Gillian’s son Paul has warned against sending the remains through the mail. He thought there could have been a law against it but he was no lawyer so what did he know?
Several family members were unable to attend the funeral. Sure, the family could have sent copies of the funeral program but it just wouldn’t be the same. Ashes of the person you love. Now, that was something that had meaning.
Paul shrugged his shoulders as he prepared the last envelope. The tape he was using had just run out. He could replace the roll but this had gone on for too long. His weekly D & D game would be starting in a half and hour and he had to get moving.

That last envelope was probably strong enough to make it through the U.S. mail. He was fairly certain of it.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: It was definitely not just another ordinary day at The Curtis Dixon Elementary School. Deep within the hallowed school halls the second grade students collectively pointed at their teacher Priscilla Parsons and started screaming. Some children jumped around in place while others continued pointing with their mouths open as a steady stream of blood made its way down Ms. Parson’s lily white leg. Amy Addison peed her pants and started crying while Asoka Tanaka held up an empty Coke Zero can and pressed on it with his thumb in the hopes that it would turn him into Ultraman so he could save the day from whatever needed saving. Eddie Clooney panicked and pulled the fire alarm which in turn, scared him enough that he peed his pants as well.

**Before**: Priscilla Parsons was in a bit of a quandary this fine summer morning. She had to pick an outfit for her date with Terrance Luskin but she would have to wear it to school. The date was in dangerous proximity to when she finished her teaching duties for the day and so whatever she decided to wear to work would have to be the outfit she wore on her date with Terrance…or did he prefer to be called Terry? It was something she was hoping to find out this evening.
Daring wasn’t a word that typically graced her verbal catalogue. She was a proper southern lady after all. Today, she was feeling a little naughty. Her dress was long enough that she personally felt that she could get away without wearing the usual undergarments. Seriously, they would just get in the way later if the date went in the direction she was hoping for. Her monthly visitor wasn’t due for another week.

This was going to be the best day ever.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Thelma Hopkins screamed at the top of her lungs as she let go of the leash. All that she could see of her beloved poodle Cuddles was his tail as it was sticking out of the alligator’s mouth.

**Before**: “What a beautiful morning!” Thelma Hopkins declared to her poodle and companion of 5 years. She cinched the leash to his collar and opened the front door of her townhouse. This morning she planned on taking her dog through one of the back alleys she had yet to explore. This small town had a few of them. Thelma had just moved here from New York City and the country life in a small Amish rich community felt more to her liking. The sound of horses walking on the Main Street made her feel giddy inside. This place was heaven.

Although there were plenty of signs telling her to do otherwise, Thelma approached the closed off alley and opened the gate. She really didn’t understand why this little side street would have a gate but it was no matter.

As Cuddles led the way down the small alley, a very deep groan could be heard and before Thelma has any time to react, an extremely large alligator jumped from the shadows and swallowed Cuddles almost whole. One of the signs that Thelma ignored hung at a weird angle in the entrance of the alley.

Beware of Pet Alligator. Enter at your Own Risk.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Gerald Harvey couldn’t speak. So many things were going through his mind at this very moment. He was dying. He never thought that his day would go this way. Gerald dropped to his knees as the life force drained from his body. Blood was pouring through his fingers as he desperately tried to staunch the bleeding. It was no use. His wife Leslie just stood in front of him while she watched him die. Her face was expressionless. In his final thoughts, Gerald knew he took things too far. He could have sworn that she had a smile on her face as the blackness took him.

**Before**: The morning started like most other mornings for Gerald and Leslie Harvey. Gerald would wake up and head downstairs to start breakfast and make the morning coffee and Leslie would head into the bathroom to cover up the last night’s transgressions. Gerald left his mark on her almost every night. The marks were getting harder to cover up. Her co-workers at the gym would soon begin to figure out that these marks, these scars weren’t created from some stupid training accident. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand what was going on, even to the casual observer. Her co-workers weren’t morons.

Leslie never knew what outfit to wear. Gerald wasn’t very consistent with what he liked and what he didn’t. She came downstairs. He screamed about being able to see her hard nipple and the fighting began. She couldn’t even have breakfast before all of his bullshit started.

His breath on her face as he screamed was turning her stomach upside down. Whether subconsciously or just plain blink luck, Leslie’s left hand was resting on a knife that had been sitting on the kitchen island where Gerald usually prepared their meals. She didn’t ponder on it. She didn’t make a detailed plan inside of her head. She just acted.

In the middle of a tirade that accused Leslie or showing her body to the entire world, Leslie plunged the knife into the side of Gerald’s neck. She could tell by the eruption of blood that she had hit the right place. She quickly pulled the knife out in case it helped the bastard in any way. She knew that sometimes you should leave a knife in until you can get the victim to a hospital. She had no intention of doing that.

She slowly backed away from Gerald as his neck shot blood all over the kitchen. It would take her a while to clean but it would be worth it. He was in shock and was remarkably quiet. Now all she had to do was figure out how to make it seem as though he left her. They would never find a body. She’d make sure of that.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Tanner Edwards stood in the school yard with a look of abject horror on his face. He didn’t pee his pants but at this point, it was an option he was considering.

**Before**: Johnny Henry was having the time of his life. He was listening to his classmate discuss the money he had just gotten for leaving a tooth under his pillow. One thing Johnny Henry loves more than chocolate ice cream on Sunday mornings is other people’s misery. Boy, was he going to have a blast with this one.

“Hey Tanner. Yeah, the money doesn’t come from a fairy. Your parents gave it to you. While we’re on the subject, Santa Claus…nope. Your parents. Easter Bunny…nope. Your parents. Sorry to have to break it to you.”

Tanner stood there with his mouth open. This was not happening.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: It had been three long months but Jackie Turner had finally won. The hoarder style family home she grew up in was finally empty. Now, her children could finally visit Grandmas house.

**Before**: Jackie Turner’s mother was a hoarder. She had been a hoarder all of Jackie’s life. When Jackie grew up and moved away, she was thankful that her lifestyle choices didn’t mirror her mother’s. Jackie kept a clean home.
As the years went on, Jackie was constantly forced to make up excuses as to why the kids couldn’t go to grandmas’ house. She didn’t want her children to see what hoarding is. Her old family home was so packed with various items that you couldn’t move anywhere in the house without touching something. Literal tunnels of walkways led you through the house. It was almost like a maze.
While sitting at a local bar, Jackie overheard a conversation between two other women. They were discussing funny things they wished they could do to other people. Neither one would actually do anything but it was when they got to their idea of how to clean up a hoarders house that Jackie’s ears perked up.

Crack cocaine.

The idea was ridiculously simple but yet designed for results. Introduce the hoarder to crack and through natural progression, they’ll soon be selling off their household goods to pay for the crack habit. It was really brilliant when you thought about it.

So, a plan was born.

The ideas for my HDWGH series come from all kinds of places.

The next story is going to feature an idea that a co-worker had for cleaning up the home of someone who is considered a *hoarder*.

The idea is so outlandish that…after laughing, I thought was one of the funniest things I had heard in a long time. What makes this so funny is that it could actually work.

I look forward to writing and posting this one tomorrow.

It is the summer time after all and I am trying to get as much sun as is humanly possible before the fall gets here and robs me of the opportunity.

I am hoping to be able to write some stories over the weekend but I am also programming so I have a lot of projects going on.

As soon as the programming tasks are completed, I’ll get back to writing.

Promise.

I am thinking about taking a break from HDWGH for this week because of the programming I am doing.

If I come up with something before the end of the day, I’ll post it. If not, there will be something next week.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Brent Tressler couldn’t believe his eyes. One moment his wife of 30 years was standing on the roof looking over the city and smiling back at him while he mixed their cocktails and in the next, his wife went over the side of the 15 story building. By the time he made it over to the edge and looked down, her body was surrounded by onlookers.

**Before**: Amy Tressler felt like she was being choked to death every single day she had to spend with her husband Brent. He didn’t really know how she felt. Brent wasn’t the kind of man you could talk to. If you had “feelings” about anything it was best to keep them to yourself. She needed out of the nightmare of a marriage. Enter, Doris Hopper.

Doris was a friend of at least 15 years and one of the best stunt woman in the entire movie industry. After relating her anguish to Doris, Amy felt a sense of hope as Doris laid out an entirely plausible plan that could help remove Amy from the marriage she felt so stuck in.

As Amy looked at her husband on the roof top of their penthouse, the plan was already in motion. The window cleaner was a few feet below. Amy activated a small speaker unit and as she landed on the window washer platform, she hurled the speaker over the side so that her scream could be heard on the way down. A small net was deployed by Doris’ stunt company to catch the device and abruptly turn it off. To anyone listening, it would sound like someone screaming as they fell to their doom.

On the street below, Doris was made up to look like Amy and was lying still while the rest of her crew acted like innocent bystanders. To anyone looking down from the penthouse suite, it would look like Amy fell to her death to the street below.

Amy was helped inside the building by Doris’ son John who happened to be conveniently operating the window washing assembly at the time. It took 5 seconds to recover Amy and retract the unit into the building before Brent looked over the side. Something Amy and John rehearsed for 3 weeks.

A few fake police finished the ruse and Amy Tressler was now a ghost.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Yvette Jennings felt a small sense of pride as most of the females on the south side beach watched her boyfriend emerging from the crystal clear ocean waves.

**Before**: Todd Baltimore was having some issues. This was one of the few times that his girlfriend Yvette was ready to go out somewhere before he was. He was standing nude in his walk in closet agonizing over which bathing suit to wear. His eyes kept settling on an Ivory colored number but he couldn’t remember ever wearing it. In fact, the “Joe Boxer” name on them led him to believe that they were just underwear that had been misplaced in his closet. Yvette wondered past him and picked them up. “Just wear these,” she said. He slipped them on and they proceeded to the south side beach for a day of fun in the sun. Todd may not have remembered why or even “if” he ever wore the swimming trunks before but Yvette sure did. Once those trunks got wet, they hid nothing. Yvette was rather proud of what Todd had so today, when the cold hearted bitches at the south side beach laid eyes on her boyfriend they wouldn’t be wondering why they are together. After wetting themselves while watching the tremendously large bulge in Todd’s trunks, they would know.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The co-owner of the law firm Carlton Jacobs couldn’t believe his eyes. His friend and founding partner Jim Nettles was laying in a bloody mess at the bottom of the elevator shaft. His lifeless eyes staring into nothing with his head bent at an unnatural angle. Jim obviously didn’t survive the fall. How could this have happened? He wondered to himself. He took every precaution.

**Before**: Jim Nettles was finished with this day before it had even began. His phone was dinging every few minutes to indicate a new message and he wondered to himself how everyone could be so needy? He had a secretary to filter his calls throughout the work day but in the early morning hours, he was on his own.

The day didn’t get much better from there. It was about 10 am when Jim decided to silence his notifications all together. It was getting out of hand. He had been working on a case that the law firm would try in the coming weeks but Jim didn’t like to wait until the last minute to get his notes together. He would spend the next few days rehearsing for the jury.

It was about 10:30 am when Jim decided to head down to his partner’s office on the 5th floor to confirm his notes and to also get Carlton’s opinion on the “tone” of his speech. He pushed the elevator button like he had done a thousand times before. He turned his notifications back on. He watched the notifications pop up one by one as the elevator doors opened. His eyes were glued to the screen as he stepped onto…nothing. The elevator car was missing as Jim flailed about trying to find purchase on anything. Jim was unsuccessful and fell ten stories to his untimely death.

The cellphone was cushioned from the fall by his body and went he hit, the phone jumped up a couple feet falling back onto Jim’s chest display side up with a single notification showing.

Jim – This is Carlton. I wish you would answer your phone. Don’t use the elevator. It is out of order. Take the stairs. I have a team coming in to repair it within the hour.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Bobby Jones pressed on the key fob that some hysterical lady just gave to him while running from a man who was in the process of yelling at her. Bobby had never quite heard all of the expletives used but he thought the man was quite creative with their use. The lights flashed on what looked like a brand new Jaguar. It seems Bobby’s luck had just changed for the better.

**Before**: It was on the 5th level of the Glendale parking garage that Maggie Reynolds decided that Herb Reynolds could go “fuck himself.” They had been married for 10 years and the asshole always seemed to care about his possessions more than he cared about her. She eyed a man standing next to a broken down Subaru and started walking towards him. Her husband began shouting some of the worst obscenities she had heard in years. She was far enough ahead that the quick transfer of the key fob of their car to the stranger and a brief “It’s yours” was all that was needed to complete this life lesson for Herb.

She continued walking towards the elevator with her husband trailing behind when they heard the unmistakable beeps of the car’s key fob communication. The look on her husband’s face was all that she really needed to see that day. It was wonderful. Fuck that prick.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Today would be the day that Kevin Duncan would earn a new nickname. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be earned for something he actually had done. He would earn the nickname for something the girls in the lunchroom thought he did. Middle school kids didn’t care about the facts of the incident before them. They saw a young man with a big brown stain where you might expect such a stain if one were to crap their pants. Kevin backed into a square support pole in the lunchroom and when he stood upright, the girls sitting next to the pole began to scream when they saw a brown stain on the pole and on the ass of one Kevin Duncan.

**Before**: Kevin Duncan wasn’t allowed to touch the remaining Hershey Bars that were in the fridge. He never let that stop him. He’d blame the loss on his drunk step father and his mother would probably shake her head and yell at him for something he didn’t even do. Kevin was in a pretty good spot. With both bars in his right hand, he began to walk out off the house when his mother stopped him the in the hallway. With only seconds to spare, he slipped the chocolate bars into his back pockets.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Mother and daughter arrived at the upstairs bathroom laundry shoot at exactly the same moment both carrying a used towel. Heather Collins looked at her daughter Felicia Collins and smiled without saying a word. Felicia smiled back as they both opened the shoot and tossed the towels inside.

**Before**: It was a night that many called a “Strawberry Moon.” Felicia Collins thought it was extremely romantic and invited her boyfriend Nick over to celebrate by having sex near her bedroom window. The window was large and Felicia imagined the two of them rolling around in the sheets under the beautiful light.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Collins residence. Heather Collins had prepared everything required for a romantic evening with her husband Joe. Their bedroom was decked out in candles, rose petals, and of course, incense burning on a nightstand by the bed. It had Harlequin Romance written all over it. After all, the moon was exceptionally gorgeous tonight.

Nick rolled off Felicia as their love making had come to an end. Felicia was so close to having an orgasm but right before she could release it, Nick finished leaving her unfulfilled. She went through the usual act of pretending like it was fantastic sex. It wasn’t. She wasn’t sure how much longer she’d stay in the relationship. All she wanted was a boyfriend that cared about her needs. Nick definitely wasn’t that guy. She kissed him as she watched him leave her room and gently closed the door as he went.

Heather didn’t claw Joe’s back because he was giving her incredible sex. She was clawing his back out of sheer frustration. She was so close to having an orgasm and that prick had finished before her. What did she expect? He had been doing this for their entire marriage. She thought that the moonlight may change things. It didn’t. Joe put his clothes on and left their bedroom. No words spoken. Joe thought is was great sex and had the claw marks on his back to prove it. Heather thought it was yet another disappointing night.

Toby Granger was walking down Grant Street when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. The Collins house. He had fantasies about Felicia Collins but she was too classy for Toby and he knew it. What he saw made him do a double take. Two big windows on the second floor side by side had the silhouettes of two nude woman. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that they were playing with themselves rather vigorously. Toby quickly took out his phone and began recording making sure to set the resolution to 4k.

Toby couldn’t really tell from the street but almost at the exact same moment the two woman released their orgasms. He could swear he saw squirting if that was even a thing. As if choreographed, the two women donned robes, gathered up their towels, and left the rooms.

On the ground level, Toby saw two men standing outside the Collins household talking to each other and sharing a beer. It was dark where he was standing even in the full moonlight so he suspected they didn’t see him. He stopped recording and hurried down the street. He was hoping that this brand new phone and the high definition camera would live up to all of the hype. His TikTok popularity was about to take a turn for the better.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The police are standing over the corpse of Tommy “Chiclet” Garcia in the middle of Rotary Park. His body looks like it has been pierced by thousands of tiny projectiles.

**Before**: Tommy “Chiclet” Garcia was in an extremely good mood this morning. His boss called and told him that he was doing such a great job that he could take the day off. His wife had made reservations for a nice romantic dinner at his favorite restaurant. If those two things weren’t awesome enough, he heard a rumor earlier from his best friend Kyle that the XFL may be returning next year. From Tommy’s point of view, his life couldn’t get any better than this.

It was about this time that Tommy decided to go over to Rotary Park and feed the birds. In previous visits, Tommy had put the feed into a container and basically just reached in and threw the contents around. Today, he was feeling especially creative so he decided to put as much bird feed into his cargo pockets as they could hold.

The initial feedings went pretty well until the birds realized that Tommy had feed in his pockets.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: The elevator doors opened as five angry employees suddenly changed their expressions as Lori Young quickly tried to replace her wedding ring. She didn’t have time to button up her blouse so the employees got a full view of her natural C-cups. John Jones was in the act of wiping off his still exposed cock as a small white pool was forming under Lori.

**Before**: This is one of those rare occasions in this series where the **now** completely explains the **before**. I mean, honestly. Two employees fucked in an elevator. No backstory needed.

-*From The How Did We Get Here Series*-

**Now**: Harrison Guthrie was just happy to be alive. Sure, he was soaking wet, standing in the mall fountain, and soon to be surrounded by mall cops. It could have gone much worse.

**Before**: Silvia Guthrie loved to shop. What she liked even more than shopping was bringing her husband along simply because she knew he hated it. They had been at the mall for two hours now and Harrison’s whining had started reaching a fevered pitch.

She began walking into the Gap store as Harrison signaled to his wife that he wished to remain outside the store so he could conduct some people watching. It was desperately needed at this point. His watches built in step counter had long reached his daily goal of 20,000 steps and threatened to grant him an all-time award for today. Shopping wasn’t natural to him and he simply hated it.

That is about the time he began fidgeting with his wedding ring. Of course, it had nothing to do with the blonde bombshell that just walked by him. Did she wink at him? As he tried to hide the wedding ring by slipping it off his finger and into his jacket pocket, two things occurred at about the same time.

The ring came off his finger and he was pushed and sent over the railing to land gracelessly in the center of the mall fountain by a not so happy Mrs. Guthrie who quite possibly saw the entire exchange with the blonde bombshell who, incidentally had not noticed what had just happened behind her.

–From The How Did We Get Here Series–

Now: Dexter Lewis slid the Hershey Bar, lighter, and cigarettes from the plastic bag as Harris began driving away from the convenience store. Harris looked over and asked, “Where’d you get the cigarettes, bro?”

Before: Dexter stood in line behind his friend Harris at the checkout line at the neighborhood convenience store. Dexter was flat broke but his friend Harris had plenty of money. Dexter had repeatedly asked for a small loan so he could buy some essentials but Harris always turned him down. They were friends but Harris had a controlling nature. He didn’t like that Dexter smoked so he had never liked the idea of lending him money just so he could buy some.

When they got to the end of the line, Dexter pulled a few items from the checkout margins including some cigarettes, a lighter, and a few snacks and lumped them in with what Harris had picked up. The trick was to keep Harris occupied long enough so that he wouldn’t see what the lady was putting in the bag. When they got to the car, Dexter would dig out his prizes and Harris would be none the wiser. He had no clue about what the cost of what he bought should be.

–From The How Did We Get Here Series–

Now: The secret of why office manager Elizabeth Beckett was always smiling and happy was finally out of the bag. Elizabeth was bending over to get some files out of the lower filing cabinet drawer when her dress rode up revealing a decorative butt plug handle and the pink wiggling end of a vibrator inserted into her bare shaved pussy. The office full of women huddled around Marcy Walker’s desk felt that they finally knew why someone with such a crappy husband was always happy.

Before: Elizabeth rolled off of her husband after faking what seemed like her thousandth orgasm. No matter how much she hinted and outright asked Bill to try new things he simply wouldn’t do it. He loved laying down and letting Elizabeth do all of the work. This was the position they used most of the time. There were other sexual positions. Bill just didn’t like any of them. “Too much like work,” he’d say.

It wasn’t very common to have sex before work. She got lucky this morning and caught Bill in a particular horny mood. Elizabeth wanted more out of Bill. She offered but Bill wasn’t willing to take the day off and spend it in bed with her. So, she did the only thing a horny young woman could do. She had to please herself. After some lube, she inserted her favorite anal plug and the dildo she called “wicked Mary” and finished getting dressed. Today, that meant a simple sundress with matching scandals. She couldn’t be bothered with underwear. Besides, no one is going to notice anyway.

–From The How Did We Get Here Series–

Now: It was at the bottom of the 5th inning when Cletus Johnson looked up at the big display in the ballpark. In bright blue letters it read, “For a good time, call Cletus “Dingleberry” Johnson. He always gives you a little extra.” In traditional ballpark fashion, the ad was quickly replaced with a live shot of Cletus and a look on his face that would eventually become a meme.

Before: Angela Johnson had been married to Cletus for nearly five years. He was a good man. He was kind. He loved her deeply and as far as she knew, he was absolutely faithful. What she was having a problem with was her husband’s dingleberries. It was one of those things that you see and then can never get out of your mind. She first saw them a couple of weeks ago and they haven’t had sex since.

She tried to tell him about it. Tried. It was extremely difficult to come up with a way to broach the subject. “Hey, honey. I’d like to talk to you about your dingleberry problem.” Angela and Cletus didn’t have that kind of relationship. Certain things were never discussed.

It was Angela’s friend Kerry that had come up with a novel idea. Cletus loved to go to baseball games. It was something that she and Cletus did not do together. She hated sports.

–From The How Did We Get Here Series–

Now: Chad Hess stood on the pier with a look of disgust and heart break as Nicole Harris told him that she would not marry him and that his present condition was obviously a “sign.”

Before: Chad Hess had arranged his marriage proposal with careful precision. Nicole Harris was extremely superstitious and he knew he would have to be very careful. He would need to check and re-check every plan he was making to make sure it met with Nicole’s approval. Nicole had turned down another marriage proposal when her soon to be husband received a letter in the mail informing him of an upcoming tax audit. Nicole took that as a bad “sign” and called off the engagement. Chad was not going to allow that to happen to him.

He took Nicole out to the local pier to the beautiful spot at the very end looking over the glistening blue water. This spot was one of her favorites. Chad knew he couldn’t go wrong. Chad got down on one knee.

When a seagull left an extra special gift on his right cheek. Seeing the warm specimen slide down Chad’s cheek was all she needed to see the situation for what it was.